On A Dare

Oh and just for those of you who thought this blog was a tribute to Brad and Angelina I do apologize. I don't care about them so why on Earth would I dedicate a blog to them? Hmm.

Anyways. A friend bet me today that I could not go through the entire Pirates active roster and say a good thing about each and every player. You know, like they try to do on the jumbotron with these crazy off the wall stats that you wonder where they came up with it. I'll admit it seems impossible, however, I think I can do it. I'll try my best anyhow. Forgive me for not knowing the new guys very well. I haven't been able to properly analyze their abilities as a Pirate. It will take time.

MATT CAPPS: Well his middle name is Dicus. How cool is that? From a baseball standpoint he's one of the best guys we've got. Trouble is Tracy the genius doesn't use him enough and in the right situations. In general I have nothing but love for Capps.

SHAWN CHACON: Uhhhh, he was born in Alaska. That's interesting. He went 10-0 in his senior season of high school. Give him a lettermen jacket and maybe he'll remember how well he pitched back then.

ZACH DUKE: Umm.. he has 77 strikeouts? Come on, he could be worse.

MIKE GONZALEZ: Well the guy has 18 saves. There were a few times I wanted to jump onto the field and pummel him for blowing games, but overall Gonzo hasn't done a horrible job.

TOM GORZELANNY: He went to the same high school as Kirby Puckett. That's all I've got.

JOHN GRABOW: In 44 games he only has one loss. All things considered I would say that's good.

PAUL MAHOLM: He has more strikeouts than Zach Duke. I'm just digging for things now.

DAMASO MARTE: Well, he has 5 losses but has only given up 4 dingers. Maybe in some odd way that's good.

VICTOR SANTOS: *thinks hard* He hasn't pitched in a while. Looking at his numbers I would say that's a good thing.

JOSH SHARPLESS: He's a hometown boy. Oh, right. So was Sean Casey.

IAN SNELL: He has a winning record and 100 strikeouts for starters.

SALOMON TORRES: Well he has 3 wins which should count for something.

HUMBERTO COTA: Sucks. He was minor league player of the year for Pittsburgh or something many moons ago. That's as much good as I can produce.

RONNY PAULINO: He's batting .310 and has proven he can produce.

JOSE BAUTISTA: His defense leaves something to be desired. However he does have 12 home runs.

JOSE CASTILLO: I feel like I'm repeating myself here. Again, 12 home runs but he has botched too many plays for my taste. Not enough hustle. Just 12 home runs.

JOSE HERNANDEZ: He's contributed more than I thought he would.

JOE RANDA: He helps the other Pirates get a rest sometimes.

FREDDY SANCHEZ: The man speaks for himself.

JACK WILSON: I kind of expected more from him this year but the man is a defensive whiz so you have to give him that much.

JASON BAY: I think he needs some work on defense, but he has 24 home runs. You can't ignore that.

JEROMY BURNITZ: Ummm. He likes ligers. And South Park.

CHRIS DUFFY: He's smart enough to want to get traded.

NATE MCLOUTH: He was 51-51 in stolen bases his senior season of high school. He steals bases now too though not so many.

XAVIER NADY: He's like a cleaned up Craig Wilson, but we might as well have just kept Craig.