Sorry For The Hiatus

Work. Ugh. Hadn't had much time for updates so here it is now.

Ian Snell has been unarguably the Buccos best pitcher this year. Then something happened to him. Something called Albert Pujols. THREE home runs? That's sick. Just sick. Maybe Littlefield should just trade half the team away so he can sign Pujols for next year. Or Ryan Howard. Oh, wait, the Pirates had a chance to GET Ryan Howard for Kip Wells at one point and they didn't bite. I'll bet Davey Boy feels like an idiot now. Actually, probably not. Here's a typical response..

"You know, giving up Kip for Ryan Howard was something I thought long and hard about, but I just didn't feel right. I couldn't have one guy showing up the rest of the team. There's no I in team. Everyone should be on the same level here."

*snicker*

I also want to briefly touch on the Steelers. Or at least that team that has been impersonating the Steelers. Yeah, yeah I know. It was pre-season so the starters don't get played a whole lot. Well, you have to have something to fall back on if something happens to one of your starters. Thankfully we get to see that theory in action. Big Ben is out for the first game, possibly more, and when he DOES come back every other team is going to be gunning for him. What is the backup plan? Charlie Batch? Did anyone see him in the preseason? I think he forgot what team he was playing for. I'm sorry but I truly wish Tommy Maddox was still here. He was God when he replaced Kordell. Then he got hurt and Ben came in and that was that. If the Steelers' success rests solely on the shoulders of #7 then we are in for some trouble this season.

Chris Duffy

You know, I think the boy really stuck his foot in his mouth on this one. Duffy comes back after a "mental breakdown" and rejoins the Buccos. He hits well in the minors and finally gets a callup. He proceeds to advise that he basically think the Pirates suck, he doesn't want to play for them and all of this was just a selfish way of furthering his career.

Fast forward to the present. Duffy's bat is so cold that I am shocked it doesn't shatter when he fouls a ball off because Lord knows that's about the only time he connects with anything. Tracy and company continue leaving him in there for his defense, but no matter how many baseballs Duffy fields he's not going to help the Bucs one bit on offense.

There goes Chris Duffy's hope of being traded to any decent team. Of course, if he's like any of the guys the Pirates have traded, he'd go somewhere and light up every pitcher he faced.

Attention Citizens

*beep beep beeeeeeep*

This has been a test of the Hack General Manger System. The Pirates owner in your area uses this system to test the fans' tolerance. If Littlefield had been an actual general manager, the Pirates wouldn't trade players like Craig Wilson and Aramis Ramirez for nothing and he wouldn't hire people like Jim Tracy who seem to care nothing about winning or losing. No word as to the conclusion of this test of the Hack General Manager System.

*beep beep beeeeeep*

Yeah, Well That Sucked

The winning streak had to end somewhere. The Pirates are not Chase Utley. You've got to give it up for Ian Snell though. TEN strikeouts. Not shabby at all. And the man has known to be a frequent Hooters customers. He clearly has good taste.

Chris Duffy put up a big fat zero. That's bad karma for you. Bad mouth the Pirates and Littlefield will put a hex on you.

Jeromy Burnitz batted one of the Pirates' 2 runs in. I always secretly hope he does well. Not only because we spent the money on him, but I kinda feel bad for the guy. It's not his fault that the Pirates paid him 6 mil to underachieve. They were stupid enough to make the investment. This, of course, was not the first time the Pirates have done this.

Matt Stairs. Randall Simon. Matt Lawton. Etc.

Freddy Sanchez had the #1 web gem. That man is a Godsend. Without Freddy we might have a challenge against a Double A team.

More ramblings later.

On A Dare

Oh and just for those of you who thought this blog was a tribute to Brad and Angelina I do apologize. I don't care about them so why on Earth would I dedicate a blog to them? Hmm.

Anyways. A friend bet me today that I could not go through the entire Pirates active roster and say a good thing about each and every player. You know, like they try to do on the jumbotron with these crazy off the wall stats that you wonder where they came up with it. I'll admit it seems impossible, however, I think I can do it. I'll try my best anyhow. Forgive me for not knowing the new guys very well. I haven't been able to properly analyze their abilities as a Pirate. It will take time.

MATT CAPPS: Well his middle name is Dicus. How cool is that? From a baseball standpoint he's one of the best guys we've got. Trouble is Tracy the genius doesn't use him enough and in the right situations. In general I have nothing but love for Capps.

SHAWN CHACON: Uhhhh, he was born in Alaska. That's interesting. He went 10-0 in his senior season of high school. Give him a lettermen jacket and maybe he'll remember how well he pitched back then.

ZACH DUKE: Umm.. he has 77 strikeouts? Come on, he could be worse.

MIKE GONZALEZ: Well the guy has 18 saves. There were a few times I wanted to jump onto the field and pummel him for blowing games, but overall Gonzo hasn't done a horrible job.

TOM GORZELANNY: He went to the same high school as Kirby Puckett. That's all I've got.

JOHN GRABOW: In 44 games he only has one loss. All things considered I would say that's good.

PAUL MAHOLM: He has more strikeouts than Zach Duke. I'm just digging for things now.

DAMASO MARTE: Well, he has 5 losses but has only given up 4 dingers. Maybe in some odd way that's good.

VICTOR SANTOS: *thinks hard* He hasn't pitched in a while. Looking at his numbers I would say that's a good thing.

JOSH SHARPLESS: He's a hometown boy. Oh, right. So was Sean Casey.

IAN SNELL: He has a winning record and 100 strikeouts for starters.

SALOMON TORRES: Well he has 3 wins which should count for something.

HUMBERTO COTA: Sucks. He was minor league player of the year for Pittsburgh or something many moons ago. That's as much good as I can produce.

RONNY PAULINO: He's batting .310 and has proven he can produce.

JOSE BAUTISTA: His defense leaves something to be desired. However he does have 12 home runs.

JOSE CASTILLO: I feel like I'm repeating myself here. Again, 12 home runs but he has botched too many plays for my taste. Not enough hustle. Just 12 home runs.

JOSE HERNANDEZ: He's contributed more than I thought he would.

JOE RANDA: He helps the other Pirates get a rest sometimes.

FREDDY SANCHEZ: The man speaks for himself.

JACK WILSON: I kind of expected more from him this year but the man is a defensive whiz so you have to give him that much.

JASON BAY: I think he needs some work on defense, but he has 24 home runs. You can't ignore that.

JEROMY BURNITZ: Ummm. He likes ligers. And South Park.

CHRIS DUFFY: He's smart enough to want to get traded.

NATE MCLOUTH: He was 51-51 in stolen bases his senior season of high school. He steals bases now too though not so many.

XAVIER NADY: He's like a cleaned up Craig Wilson, but we might as well have just kept Craig.

Pirates Sing Along

I'm just a little post crazy today. Well, it's the first day I have had this blog and I'm suffering from a little bit of rookie anxiousness. The Pirates suffer from the same affliction except most of them aren't rookies so that makes it kind of bad.

Did you know that PNC Park is a magic park? It is. It's so magic that Pittsburgh was promised a contending team when it was built. Apparently Frodo McClatchy lost the ring or ran into Lord Voldemort or something of that nature because this team might not be a contender in AAA baseball. I would like to give them more credit than that, but I just can't and its mostly not the players' fault. In Pittsburgh you do not get what you pay for and the Pirates pay too much for too little.

So now I offer a little parody. The Pirates "motto" this year is We will. I have questioned all along what it was that they thought the Pirates would do. This little ditty answers the question, ironically to the tune of Bryan Adams' "We're Gonna Win".

We're gonna lose
Don't wanna be a winner - gonna lose
Cause losing really is the only thing
Just pitch to us cause we won't take a swing
We trade guys and get nothing
We'll never be the champs again
Yeah we're gonna lose

If we pitch to you guaranteed you'll score
And then you're gonna hit a few more
And we'll leave the guy in for sure
We love looking like amateurs
Against us it will never be a war
Someone's gonna have to pick us off the floor
We can't even make our own crowd roar
Yeah we're comin' in - we're gonna lose
We wanna lose, we wanna lose
Cause #1 don't mean nothing
We'll never be the champions
We're gonna lose

Irate at the Pirates

Well, what a way to start off a blog.

I've decided that the best trade the Pirates could have made would have been Dave Littlefield for a box of pierogys. I would like to think that a pierogy would have had enough sense not to trade Craig Wilson for a hack or Sean Casey for a novice. Or for that matter to trade Oliver Perez AT ALL. Say what you will but those moves in particular would put William Hung to shame.

The question now is what will it really take to send management to the can? The one run losses. A coaching staff that is about as competent as maple syrup. Players who don't even want to play for the team. Years of spending money on big name players who fail to produce big name numbers.

What will it take? I for one would like to know.